I have a serious disorder. No really, I'm not even making it up this time. And no, I'm not a hypochondriac. I rather prefer calling it 'being ahead of the learning curve when it comes to strange obscure mental health problems.' Anyways, my story begins way back in the good old days of high school, somewhere around my junior year. I heard the song Island in the Sun one day and thought "Hey, I like that song, who are these Weezer guys anyway? And what kind of name is that? Jeez" and decided I'd buy the green album as a result of this one very pop mainstream song. However, after listening through it only once, I deemed it was lame, packed it away in my closet, and decided Weezer wasn't worth the hype. Fast forward a year later to senior year and I'm starting to pack up my room for college. What do I find on the top shelf buried behind things but the long lost green album. So I decide to give it another try just for kicks and guess what? I loved it. Listened to it all summer long and have spent many years since collecting all Weezer's old stuff as well as buying their new albums (although I must say raditude was more than a disappointment). Nowadays the green album really isn't my taste, but I still love me some Weezer, especially blue. Anyways, not long after the Weezer incident I began to notice a pattern in my music tastes. Things I initially thought sounded stupid, I usually liked later. Just these past few weeks I had the exact same thing happen with a Jack's Mannequin CD I bought almost two years ago. Tossed in the back of my drawer after listening once and forgot about it, only to find it floating around in my car later, and now it's a favorite. Bottom line? I am musically bipolar. But on reconsidering this condition, I think a little bipolarity is necessary in most things. Spreading yourself across the whole board to get a feel for your boundaries, that's what it's all about. And it's the only way to live in my opinion. Maybe they should quit calling bipolarity a disorder. I mean who says something is a disorder anyway? If everybody has it then shouldn't it be the norm? Just a thought.
So, as a result of my musings over my musical bipolarity, I have been inspired to create a musical biography. I think if my life had a soundtrack, it'd probably sound something like all of these songs mashed together. Some happiness, some bitterness, some nostalgia, some regret, some self deprecation, some self-reflection, some confusion, some contentment and maybe just a little bit of hope. :)
"She puts on her make-up the same way she did yesterday. Hoping everything's the same. But everything has changed."
"Nothing seems to change. Let along you won't forget my name. Just don't lose what you know. When you're so far away."
"So little time. Try to understand that I'm trying to make a move just to stay in the game. I try to stay awake and remember my name. But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same."
"You’re cursed by all ambitious thoughts. Is that all you’ve got? As for you, you spin a story like a spider spins a web. See that’s a metaphor, no wait, a simile. I’m still learning but I think I’m getting better."
"What's the deal with my brain? Why am I so obviously insane? In a perfect situation, I led love down the drain."
"They chewed me up and then they spit me out. And I'm not supposed to let it bother me. But maybe I'm a little bit weak - I let my frailty take the wheel."
"I should know who I am by now. I walk the record stand somehow. Thinking of winter. The name is the splinter inside me."
"Gravity is working against me. And gravity wants to bring down."
"Everybody knows it hurts to grow up. And everybody does. It's so weird to be back here. And let me tell you what. The years go on and we're still fighting it."
"Stop and Stare. I think I'm moving but I go nowhere. Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared. But I've become what I can't be."
"Nobody said it would be easy. No one ever said it would be so hard. I'm going back to the start."
"Why don't you come right out and say it? Even if the words are probably gonna hurt, I'd rather have the truth than something insincere."
"I'll tie my handlebars to the stars so that I stay on track. And if my intentions stray I'll wrench them away. Then I'll take my leave and I won't even look back."