A Little Perspective

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A Blog with a View

Of course it's only natural that since I have a paper to be written this fine evening, I cannot manage to the summon the self discipline necessary to fill one pathetic little page of thoughts on a book for one of the many lit classes. But I plenty of absurd thoughts bouncing around in this little head of mine to fill up at least one useless post. So if you're looking for something sensible, maybe you should just quit now.

Anywho, today I checked up on my ever faithful google analytics page and found out, much to my surprise, that people are still actually reading this. I have no idea why you still are, but I'd love to be enlightened if you have a good reason. Anonymous comments are always welcome! So, with this in mind, I began wondering about why we blog and why we read anything at all. I came up with a few ideas, but I can't claim that it applies to anything I write, so don't make any assumptions. Here's what I came up with:

As humans, we are all wandering through our existence with a weak grip on reality and an even weaker grip on who we are as individuals. It's not that we don't believe in God, or fate, or hope, or anything like that, it's just that sometimes, it's easier to believe in anything other than yourself. Because of this, we are constantly seeking to validate ourselves through other people. Most of the time we do this superficially. We try to gain the approval of society through outward manifestations like clothing, language, and other appearances. But most of the time we're too afraid to let our guard down, too afraid that if we act the way we truly think and feel, we will be rejected. Then, we have the blog. Blogs are a little like windows. We read them to see inside a person, but they can't see us as we watch (that is unless you have google analytics lol). We find little pieces of who we are strewn across the words typed up and sent out into cyberspace for us to find. We find comfort in the fact that we're not alone in being misfits. But really, if we all took a step back and stopped pretending so much, we'd find that we're all doing the exact same thing. We're all peeking into one another's windows and seeing the same thing we try to hide behind our own curtains. We are all misfits, and that's okay.  

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Theoretically Speaking...

Alright so I've been turning this idea around in my head for quite sometime and I think it has finally evolved into something just short of logic. You can be the judge though. So, how many of us have found ourselves "falling in love" with a person without really knowing them all that well? Sure, you talk to them every so often, you see them around, you hang around in the same crowds, and you seize every opportunity you can to be around them. It's okay, there's no shame in it, we've all been there. But here's the problem: you don't really know them. You have an idea about them. You have a picture of them in your head. You have a theory of who that person is. Now it would be all fine and dandy if the theory was true...you like them, they like you, welcome to happily ever after. But really? The truth is that it is only a matter of time before the blinding light of optimism is turned down just long enough to see that the theoretical person you are in love with, does not in fact exist. Yes it sucks. Yes it is hard. And yes, you will get over it. But how many times must one go through this process before they stop projecting those theories? I'm not a pessimist when it comes to love, honest. I just like to keep it in check with reality, because sometimes it all just seems a little too fantastic. Maybe that's the problem though...that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Who says I know anything about love anyway? Exactly. 

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Very Merry UnBirthday

I have a confession to make...I hate my birthday. Having one day dedicated to giving me special attention is kind of a nightmare. I don't know why, but that's the way it is. Maybe it comes from years of disappointed expectations, or maybe I just don't like cake. My friends are great and I know they all mean well, but really, next year I'd like it to be ignored. Sometimes being ignored and fading into the background is the best present.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Clinically Insane

I think I have a disorder. Every year, without fail, during the fall semester, I develop the strong urge to quit school and go live like a nomad. Is that abnormal? Maybe a clinically proven mental illness? That'd be fantastic really. Then I'd have a doctor's note to excuse any emotional outbursts I might be having as a side effect. Haha. It's always more comforting when doctors can tell you that you are actually insane with a legitimate reason. But let's be honest, I have no legit reason. I'm just bored. Bored with life. Bored with the prospect of spending the next two years in the exact same place, watching everyone else around me get up and move on with life. Bah!

Anywho, now I'm going to relate some good old fashion book reviewing since reading is the only thing I'm allowed to spend time on anymore (aside from the indulgence in gilmore girls episodes). I never thought the day would come when I would grow weary of reading...especially fiction novels. But that day might not be far off nowadays. Here's a little list of the books I've read in just the past month...
Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones (I've actually got 50 pages left for tonight on this one)
Dances with Wolves by Michael Blake
Rag and Bone Shop by Robert Cormier
Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson
Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry by Mildred Taylor
Guinea Pig Scientists by Mel Boring
A Room with a View by E.M. Forster
Witch Hunt by Marc Aronson
Shipreck at the Bottom of the Ocean by Jennifer Armstrong
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
Herland by Charlotte Gilman Perkins
Do you pity me yet? Because you probably should. I mean, yes I like to read, but really? And it's only going to get more intense from here on out. Not to mention I would not recommend at least half of those books to anyone...especially Robert Cormier. Only read him if you want the life sucked out of you. Really it's no small wonder that I've started to go mental. Somebody save me from the black hole of literature I'm falling into.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

The Fateful Letter

Today was the day. I've been planning my life around this single decision for the past year and a half, and today was the day I finally got to find out if the plan was going to work. I practically ran across campus to pick up my letter and thought I'd die of a heart attack before the elevator would reach the 4th floor of the humanities building. The moment I had the envelope in my hands I had to fight the sudden urge to rip it open right then and there to discover my fate. But I prevailed. I walked with an eerie calmness all the way back to the library where I was supposed to be working, went back into my office, and sat down in a chair. Waiting. I sat there for what seemed like a really long time, wondering if I really wanted to open it, wondering what I really wanted the letter to tell me. Never, in my entire life, has one envelope held so much of my future. One thin white paper envelope. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. I began ripping the careful seal and pulled out the letter. Even then I hesitated. Why? I couldn't tell you. Maybe because I honestly didn't know what I wanted. So there the letter was folded up. Waiting. When I opened it I couldn't stop my eyes from scanning the entire length of the page, looking for key words like congratulations or accepted. My search was not in vain. There in the very first lines were those exact words. I had been accepted. The dream of the last two years is realized as I'm given legitimate permission to pursue my degree in English Teaching. Hello fate, so glad you stopped by today. Thanks so much for the visit, and don't take so long to get here next time!