Train Wreck

Fall is here...one week into school and already I'm sick of it and wishing it was over. Not a good sign. For some reason I am putting myself through the additional pain of looking for a new job. Not because I really need one, just because I "feel" like it. And probably because my mom told me I need to. I put way too much stock in what she tells me. I hate that. I hate that I go to her with every major decision of my life and base my actions on what she says. Yes I know we should listen to our parents and take their wisdom into consideration...but where do you draw the line? Sometimes it seems like she's in my head, that it doesn't really matter what I really want, because in the end I'll see it her way and do what she wants me to. What happen to that free agency I'm supposed to have? Gah! Stupid idiot me.

I like to complain don't I? That's annoying. Let's relate something happy...um...wow...thinking...oh here's one. In exactly one month, 3 days, and 20 hours I will be rocking out to a weezer concert. Hang work, school, and responsibility...I'm going to go scream my lungs out to Troublemaker and The Greatest Man That Ever Lived. I feel good about that.

On another unrelated tangent, I think I've decided that no matter what happens after this semester, I'm getting myself out of here. Out of this state, out of this country, and out of this presence of mind. And I'm doing it by myself. If I get in to Jerusalem, that will be great. If I don't...I'll just have to console myself with something else. But I really really really want Jerusalem. I haven't wanted something so bad since I was waiting to get accepted to BYU. Still can't seem to shake the practice of expecting the worse. Still a creature of habit I guess. But I will figure something out just like I always do. I've made it through this much, so the past is on my side. I just have to keep saying it to myself: I'm going to make it.

One last thing...a note on assimilation and transculturization. They are interchangable, and neither can occur without the other. No matter where we go, the process of assimilating ourselves into a foreign environment will inevitably change the culture around us. Furthermore, assimilation is something that can never be completed because if we have to assimilate to something, we bring our own experiences and past to the table. Each individual's experiences are so unique that assimilation can never be complete. So even if you wanted to go somewhere and start new, start fresh...you never really could. You existed before and you will take that with you. We are confounded by our past and will never be able to find an existence away from it. That is reality my friends.