A Little Perspective

Monday, October 5, 2015

The Prodigal Blogger & Words

So...it's been awhile. Like 2+ years awhile. A lot has happened. Yikes. I'm not sure why I stopped, and I'm pretty skeptical about this being anything worth reading as I begin anew. But I can't ignore the little nagging voice in my head that has been driving me crazy for the past month, telling me I need to start bleeding out some thoughts again. So here it goes.

Words. I have been pondering on words today. As I sat down for the past two days and listened to LDS General Conference, I was struck with the power of words. For better or worse, words have power to change perspectives, ideas, circumstances, people, and the world. So many of the messages I heard were both personal and inspiring. Hearing sermons of great depth all the way down to a lesson taught by a little girl named Chloe who didn't want to wear her seat belt, I was uplifted. I felt love. I felt hope. I felt a strong desire to change and be better.

But then you know what happened? General Conference ended. And I was back in the real world, struggling with all the very real temptations and weaknesses in my own life. Just a matter of hours later I was spending some time outside in the beautiful fall weather, and a friend also spoke out to use her words. In an offhand and with very likely harmless intentions, she said something that deeply hurt my feelings. Hours later, it is those words that are now bouncing around my head and haunting my thoughts instead of all those wonderfully hopeful and great words that I have been listening to all weekend. The tendency of human nature to always focus on the worst seems to be a constant battle.

BUT.

I am learning. I am learning that the words I use have that same power. That what I say also matters and has the ability to lift up or tear down. No doubt, I myself have ignorantly used words to cause hurt and pain, leaving someone to question their own self worth and purpose. It is probably one of the greatest ironies of life to realize that the things which bring you the worst pain are also injuries you have inflicted upon others at one time or another. That is exactly the reason why I am so grateful to have a knowledge of Jesus Christ in my life. I am so incredibly thankful for the sacrificing atonement of Christ. To know that not only can He heal my pain and suffering, but especially He can heal those that I have also caused to feel pain.

I am not perfect, and I know it perhaps better than anyone else. I have spent my entire life becoming acquainted with my own weaknesses and mistakes. I use words at their ugliest to dismantle myself so that no one else can do it better than me. 

BUT.

My words aren't the only words that have power. The words of Christ hold an even brighter and more powerful strength than anything else. THAT is why we have scripture. It's why so many generations of men have made such incredible sacrifices to record words. Words ARE power. And as I continue to learn more of Christ's words, I know I can find the power I need to change my own words, my own life, my own history. I can become better and find meaning, purpose, and joy as I follow and emulate the words of my Savior. I know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and that no matter how many times I say the wrong words, He will always be there to help me make it right again as long as I choose to trust in Him.

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Friday, March 15, 2013

Timing

I have always been a faithful believer in timing. All of the most important decisions of my life up to this point have taught me that. So of course, naturally, the one time I'm ready for something good to happen and things are looking promising, bad timing slaps me in the face. But you know what? Maybe bad timing is really just paving the way for good timing in something else. Everything happens for a reason, right? Even the crappy things. At least that's what I keep telling myself... How long can a girl delude herself before her brain finally forces itself to grip reality? I guess we'll find out :)

Saturday, March 2, 2013

I've Got Sunshine

For those days where everything else in your life seems to be going wrong, at least God blesses us with sunshine...

I've found that I am right back exactly where I was two years ago before I suddenly decided to up and go on a mission. It was a wonderfully difficult and rewarding detour to my life, but again I'm facing graduation, change, and the harsh reality of real life as an adult. Two months and the clock is still ticking. Of course I can't pretend I'm going to miss homework, exams, papers, and lectures. But I might miss the learning part...just a little. Part of me REALLY wants to just pack up everything and move far far away. At least for a little while. Fresh start with new roots. But somehow Utah has this little leash on me that I can't ever seem to get away from. So I'll continue to sit here in the sunshine pondering on why I can't figure my life out and hope that with the warm breeze of spring some inspiration or direction will come with it.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Time Train

I wish I knew why I was such a sporadic blogger. I feel like I go through these periods of my life where I think "Wow, I really need to blog about that!" all the time...and then I have those other periods of life where I think "Wow, I really have absolutely nothing original to say." But today is not that day. Today, I have something to say. And while it might seem slightly pitiful, I thought it was a subject worthy to blog about.

My little sister has a boyfriend.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, my little sister (by more than half a decade) has managed to do in 6 months, what I have not been able to do in my 7+ years attending higher levels of education. Now I could sit here and mope and pity myself all day long, but that's not really what this is about...okay well maybe just a little. But really, it's about the fact that time is passing, and I'm just not sure I am ready to move on with it. Seven years ago when I left home to go to college, my little sister was still in middle school worrying about whether or not she was old enough to wear lip gloss and if the boy from kindergarten still had a crush on her. Now all of the sudden she is my peer and dating and flirting and looking for a real job and figuring out what she's going to do for the rest of her life. Is it wrong of me to want to pull the breaks on the time train and make it come to a screeching halt?? Yes I am well aware that my maturity and progression has yet to go anywhere with time passing, but what about everyone else?? ESPECIALLY my little sister? I don't know, I just don't know if I'm ready to face this reality yet.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Happy Late Christmas!

What happened to 2012? Seriously? The older you get the faster time goes by. I hate to think how fast it'll pass once I hit 50. Sheesh. Well the blog is feeling a little neglected. You know it's bad when your mom asks you if you've updated in awhile. The problem is that I feel like I should have something important or entertaining to say in order to update. But I don't. My life is a black hole of redundancy. Work, eat, sleep. Not much else. Except I watch movies somewhere in between to stay sane. And go to the gym occasionally so I don't become morbidly obese. Haha. Speaking of obese, I was hanging out with my little nephew the other day and he had the brilliant idea to google "fattest person alive". And when I say brilliant idea I mean disgusting idea. I've never been so disgusted or horrified in my life. And sad. Wow. I'll count my blessings more too. Anyways, next semester is almost upon us and I am SOOOO excited to only have one more left. Period. Forever. Done. Ahhhh it gives me warm fuzzies.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Fold

Anyone else ever feel like life is this ridiculous game of poker and you just stink at it? Because I do. I'm tired of playing with a poker face. I just want to say I fold and be done with it. Seriously. Dating. School. Work. Homework. Bills. Responsibility. I fold. Moving to a foreign country and trying out a different life for awhile sounds so appealing right now. I don't want to be a grown up anymore. At least not for today. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and feel differently. Except I'll have to scrape snow off my car at 8am to go to class. Only grown ups have to do that.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

NOT the end of the world

Since facebook and every other mode of communication is exploding right now over the election results, I decided to visit my little corner of blogdom and cast my vote. You want to what my vote is? My vote is that politics stink. It brings out the very worst in people and it kind of depresses me. While I can't claim that I'm satisfied with Obama as president again, I think we need to buck up and stop shaking our fists about it. Democracy has spoken. I'm simply grateful that we at least live in a country where we CAN vote, where we CAN live free, and where we CAN make changes. The next four years might be harder, and they might not, but as Americans we shouldn't waste our time projecting worst-case scenarios of the future just because the outcome isn't what we wanted. Unlike what some might be saying, this is not the end of the world people.