Why do you have to JUDGE me?!

Yes it is indeed 2 freaking AM in the morning and instead of finishing my paper like a good girl, I'm going to blog. But my brain needs a little variety. So here's my anecdote for the day...

Today I was tired. Of course not nearly as tired as I'm going to be tomorrow, but tired all the same. It was probably in anticipation of how little sleep I'll be getting in the next 3 days. Wow, I ramble when it's late. Anywho, today, because I was tired, I decided to spice up my life by wearing my most comfy sweater. My most comfy sweater happens to be dark navy blue with a very large word printed across the front. Now you would think that my sweater said NAZI, COMMUNIST, or U of U FAN with all of the strange and sometimes dirty looks I receieved. Even people who are supposedly my friends gave me funny looks without actually addressing me about it. Curious yet? Well, it happens to be a sweater I purchased on my last vacation to Washington, where my bestie and I visited a little po-dunk town named FORKS! Yes people, I wore a sweater with FORKS stamped across the front, and was judged. Now I know not everyone in the world is a die-hard Twilight Fan (i'm really not a huge fan myself, but i like souvenirs), but do you really have to act that appalled over a fictional book? I mean seriously, I don't judge people when they wear Obama or Transformer shirts, so why you gotta be hatin? Honestly, I'm really not that offended if you judge me. I'm used to it, I expect it, my life would be dull without it. But I just find it funny that while you stood there judging me, I was secretly laughing on the inside.

The Surreal Life

Today I attended the last day of class I will ever have to go to...in the year 2009 at least. Still have plenty more ahead. Luckily. Haha. The last few weeks have been a little strange and I can't quite pin down what's been going on. I've been walking around with the feeling that I'm watching my life from a tv screen. Do you ever feel like that? Like you're having a really long dream and you're watching the motions of life go forward like normal, but you're not in it. All of the sudden the end of the semester came, the snow came, the change came. So I'm just waiting to wake up and realize that the last 4 months weren't real and I've still got to get through fall. Weird.

Anywho, going along with the theme of surreality (is that even a word, because if it isn't it probably should be), I've got another bombshell in my life. Ever since I was little, I have dreamed of going to England. But I've been telling myself since I got back from Jerusalem that it just wasn't feasible. That I shouldn't take out another loan, that I got my chance to live abroad, and I've got a lot of other options to pursue here. However, a few weeks ago right before Thanksgiving, I decided to bite the bullet and apply to the study abroad program anyway. I figured the odds of my being accepted were slim considering my circumstances. But then I had my interview with the directors on Tuesday and they were ready to adopt me they liked me so much. So I got my email of acceptance today, and now I'M GOING TO ENGLAND NEXT SUMMER!!!!! I haven't even told my parents yet, so shhhhh! Probably because I know they'll tell me I shouldn't. It's kind of insane, but I am incredibly excited for the opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream....and of course still waiting to wake up. But at this point, I sincerely hope I don't.

Ode to Lost and Found

So I had an inspiring experience yesterday that I decided to share amongst the stress of finals and trying to move. Yesterday before class I went to the library to print off a paper and notes on my presentation for the next class. I was horrified to find that when I searched my backpack, my jump drive was no longer in it. I racked my brain trying to think of the last time I used it, and worried because I almost never took it out of my backpack. So I went to class unprepared and begged for mercy. Literally ran home (which is a feat in itself considering the snow conditions as of late) to turn my room upside down, and still couldn't find it. Went back to the library and checked with the security guards as well as the lab attendant in the place I'd last seen it. Proceeded to the Wilk where the Lost and Found finally reunited me with my DRAMALAMA (Stefanie named it of course, as if I'm dramatic psh) jump drive. My faith in humanity has been restored! Never have I been more grateful for the honesty of the BYU student body than I was yesterday. So even though I might fail all my classes this semester and find myself homeless for an extended period of time, at least I'll have my faith in humanity...and my jump drive of course.

I Am Thankful For...

So I've decided that my recent blogging slump is a result of the research papers I've been writing for the past two weeks. They've sucked the words right out of my head. I'm barely forming complete sentences these days. And I've still got one more paper to bust out before the semester is over. Huzzah. However, all of this is irrelevant, because this week is thanksgiving and despite my lack of eloquence lately, I still have a whole lot to be grateful for. I like lists, so this thanksgiving I want to say cheers to life and all the blessings the Lord sees fit to give me. Here's just a little taste of how good life really is, but in no particular order...

My crazy misfit loving incredible chaotic family, every last one of 'em

A spectacularly comfortable and warm bed

Snow

Jerusalem and everything that came with it

Snuggly boots that keep my feet warm

Chocolate and peanut butter, preferably together

Sleep, when I get it

My laptop

Laughter

An education at one of the best universities (in my opinion at least) on earth

A free country where the opportunities are endless

Mountains

Music, except maybe rap, meh

An apartment with a heater

A religion that answers all my questions

A job that pays me to take care of one of my favorite things in the world: books

A healthy body that only gives out on me occassionally

The ocean

My amazing thoughtful wacky hilarious inspiring friends

Summer rain

Temples

And so much more....

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

A Cereal or Tool Box?

Alright so there hasn't been anything new going on for quite some time. Seriously though, reading the back of a cereal box is more entertaining than my life right now. But I am determined to overcome it! I have a few ideas up my sleeve...but they are only in the early stages of planning and thinking, so I better not reveal them just yet. I just thought I'd let y'all know that I'm tired of being bored with everything and I'm hatching a devious plan to go on another adventure. Bah! Just when I thought I had the whole graduation thing and post-degree job figured out, I want to throw a really big wrench into the plan. Aw heck, pass me the whole tool box while you're at it! Besides, aren't tools meant to fix problems? Because I'm going to need the entire tool box to fix my cereal box of a life. 

Books, Borders, and a Compass

I went to an excellent lecture this week for one of my lit classes, and the things the speaker said are still making me think, especially since I was pondering on the subject before I heard the lecture. So here it is...

Books are magical. Yes I am an English major so maybe I'm a little biased, but think about it. Books provide you with a passport into any land you dare to venture. You can go anywhere, anytime. You can experience the world without ever having to step outside your front door. There are no boundaries you can't cross in a book. However, outside of books, we have borders everywhere. We create borders to feel secure. Borders to establish friends, school, work, and most especially ourselves. I feel like I talk about this alot, so if it's redundant I apologize. But we build WALLS so much it really is absurd. Sometimes we spend so much time and energy building those walls that we fail to see all of the wonderful things going on outside of them. It's such a waste.

Anyways, there's my philosophical moment for the day. Now I need to just lament for a few minutes about my current living situation. Two of my roommates are leaving me next semester, and although I love my third roommate, my financial situation doesn't really allow me to stay. So I'm feeling like a freshman again as I endeavor to find suitable housing with complete strangers. Sometimes I think it will be great, meeting new people and getting a fresh new start. But then again, I'm a creature of habit and I like my comfort. What if I get another crazy roommate? And house hunting is nightmarish. I need direction in my life. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a life compass that could just point you in the direction you should go? 

A Blog with a View

Of course it's only natural that since I have a paper to be written this fine evening, I cannot manage to the summon the self discipline necessary to fill one pathetic little page of thoughts on a book for one of the many lit classes. But I plenty of absurd thoughts bouncing around in this little head of mine to fill up at least one useless post. So if you're looking for something sensible, maybe you should just quit now.

Anywho, today I checked up on my ever faithful google analytics page and found out, much to my surprise, that people are still actually reading this. I have no idea why you still are, but I'd love to be enlightened if you have a good reason. Anonymous comments are always welcome! So, with this in mind, I began wondering about why we blog and why we read anything at all. I came up with a few ideas, but I can't claim that it applies to anything I write, so don't make any assumptions. Here's what I came up with:

As humans, we are all wandering through our existence with a weak grip on reality and an even weaker grip on who we are as individuals. It's not that we don't believe in God, or fate, or hope, or anything like that, it's just that sometimes, it's easier to believe in anything other than yourself. Because of this, we are constantly seeking to validate ourselves through other people. Most of the time we do this superficially. We try to gain the approval of society through outward manifestations like clothing, language, and other appearances. But most of the time we're too afraid to let our guard down, too afraid that if we act the way we truly think and feel, we will be rejected. Then, we have the blog. Blogs are a little like windows. We read them to see inside a person, but they can't see us as we watch (that is unless you have google analytics lol). We find little pieces of who we are strewn across the words typed up and sent out into cyberspace for us to find. We find comfort in the fact that we're not alone in being misfits. But really, if we all took a step back and stopped pretending so much, we'd find that we're all doing the exact same thing. We're all peeking into one another's windows and seeing the same thing we try to hide behind our own curtains. We are all misfits, and that's okay.