A Little Perspective

Friday, May 25, 2012

I Am Coleslaw

So I really don't mean for this to sound like a pity party for myself. More like just a simple statement of certain facts. I like to pretend like that makes my situation seem less pathetic. No? Not really fooling you either? Oh fine then. Have it your way. I am pathetic. But first and foremost, I am coleslaw. I'm sure you're wondering how I've arrived to this seemingly absurd conclusion, but allow my to explain my complex method of reasoning. For those of you who grew up in circumstances so pitiable as to be the victims of 'hot lunch' at school, you will most likely understand this analogy best. I know...the horror, to imagine that a mother couldn't find the time to make a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich to brown bag with one of those snazzy little chip bags and a fruit roll-up. It's tragic really, but such is childhood. Anyways, at hot lunch, there was always an annoying line to wait in, and once you got to the food, it wasn't really one of those pick and choose kind of things. Rather, it was more of the scary lunch ladies just slopping whatever nutritionally deprived thing the school district could afford at the time. But if you acted fast, you could usually just tell them you didn't want certain side dishes, even if there wasn't an alternative. Sometimes if you were lucky you could even make some great and elaborate excuse for not being able to eat it by claiming an allergy to lettuce or gluten or preservatives. And of all side dishes, we all know coleslaw is probably the most vile and disgusting. Well that my friends, is why I am coleslaw. Everybody passes me in line, makes a face or an excuse, and says no thanks. And when I'm slopped onto a tray because you weren't fast enough to say no thanks, you just poke me with your spoon and push me to the farthest corner of your lunch plate.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A Remote Control For My Life

Hi friends, sorry I'm a crappy blogger lately. But I vow to be better! Starting...soon. Anyways, it's been a pretty uneventful few weeks. Despite this I still somehow manage to have those little special moments each day where I wish I had a remote control for my life. It wouldn't even need to be one of those crazy hi-tech remotes that people use for their tivo (which btw I was exposed to this past weekend and it gave me a headache), just 3 buttons really: Rewind, Fast Forward, and Mute. Rewind so I could go back and re-do those stupid times where I did something thoughtless that is usually considered mean or petty. Fast Forward so I could get those excruciating phases of life over with quickly, and Mute, which I think I would ironically use to mute myself more than anyone else. Pretty sad statement for a life eh? Oh well. On the brightside, I am continuing my campaign for a brain-rotting summer by reading absurd amounts of meaningless (and usually juvenile) fiction. I've made it through probably 8 books already. Is it any wonder people gasp when they hear how old I am? (Seriously at least 3 people, some even CLOSE friends, have done this in the past month, what do I look like I'm 12 or something?!) I mean if you do the math, a 25 year old without a bachelor's degree is a pretty sad statement for a life. Maybe I'll start wearing pigtails just to play it up. Especially if it gets me those cheaper kids meal's at the yummy restaurants. Of course in my defense, I am tackling a decade old resolution of reading the unabridged version of Count of Monte Cristo...so that counts for something right? Hm, pigtails reading an Alexandre Dumas novel, kind of an oxymoron. But so is my life.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Prodigal Blogger

Alright alright, so I know I said I was breaking up with the blog...but a girl can change her mind right? I'm not the first and it definitely won't be that last time I change my mind. Well, life has changed a little bit over the past few weeks. I moved apartments, finished school, and actually made some of those life decisions. Go me! I'm living in what I call the "Jeru Pad" these days with girls that I love. We sit around girl-talking frequently and watching movies on a weekly basis. Oh and did I mention our place is prime real estate right in front of the pool? I'm seriously considering a cardboard cutout for our balcony just so everyone thinks we creep on the pool-goers. Haha. Speaking of the pool, that has turned into my second residence as of late since I've only been working part-time at the library. And while being a bum has it's perks, you can only stand it for about a day before you start to go crazy. Good news is I got a second summer job at Deseret Book that starts next week. Somebody's gotta bring home the bacon. In other news...I'm not graduating until next April. Judge me. Turns out I missed August graduation deadline and since I dislike the idea of graduating in snow and without a minor, I've decided to stick it out one more year for an International Development minor. After that maybe I can get drafted into the CIA for special ops or something. Haha. They always need a good English major! Except I might have to learn arabic or chinese or something. Hm. Oh and the other big change in my life. My parents are moving to Provo. Actually, they already left Salt Lake and are just vacationing for a month before they can get into their new house, which happens to be located a mere 10 minutes from my apartment. I just keep telling myself the pro's outweigh the con's. Free laundry! Haha. Just kidding, I love my family and it'll be nice to be closer. Well I think that pretty much covers it on the life update. But you can probably expect more ranting this summer so....get excited!