A Little Perspective
The Consequences of Change
Have you ever thought you knew someone only to see them after a period of absence and realize you don't know them at all anymore? How is it that people can change so drastically from what you thought was always so inherently "them"? And not a good change either. It makes me sad. Sometimes I just want to march up to them, give them a hug, and then look them straight in the eye and ask what happened? It feels like I've seen it so many times with so many different people. How do we lose ourselves so easily? I wish I could just tell them everything is going to be ok, but I can't tell them that for sure. They have to make that decision on their own.Meanwhile, I've decided that I have not been doing all that great lately and I can be better. After finishing EFY everything I do seems so unfulfilling. Pulling books for patrons just doesn't quite give me those warm fuzzies inside that I got so used to during those weeks. But, that's no one's fault besides my own. I am the one who decides what to take away from my situation. So this is me, putting on a new attitude and getting over myself.
The Magic of Weezer
I don't know what it is, but no matter how crappy of a day I'm having, if I turn on some weezer life doesn't seem quite as bad. So even though I'm turning into a hermit who only works, sleeps, and occasionally eats, at least I've got Weezer to carry me through. You think my family would agree to play weezer at my funeral? Which may end up being sooner rather than later at the rate of boredom I'm living these days. Today I spent over an hour copying a 150+ page book. Kill me now. Furthering the depression is the fact that I can't afford a real vacation for the rest of the summer. No disneyland, no lake powell, no vegas, nada. Bah! Cruel cruel world! If I could only get one good road trip in, I might maintain sanity. But alas, the prospects are looking sketchy at best. So...I'll just wallow in self pity and sing weezer songs for the rest of the summer. I'll imagine myself on an island in the sun, chillin in beverly hills, picturing the perfect situation, living only in dreams, as i look at my life and think this is such a pity, oh say it ain't so!
Going Nowhere Fast
Does anybody else ever have those days where they feel like the whole world is moving except for them? Like everyone else is moving on to bigger and better things while you're stuck in the same exact place? Well...today I'm having one of those days. I'm having another one of those mid-life crises...yeah yeah I know, I have them every four months, so sue me. I can't decide on where I want to go for school, I'm bored of my job already, and I'm itching to leave the country yet again. Yesterday I got a call from the organization I was going to go to China with last winter and they basically offered me a position teaching English in Mexico next fall, all expenses paid. How bad do I want to pick up my life and go? Pretty dang bad. But I won't, because I'm a good girl who does what she's supposed to do. Life would be a whole lot easier if what I was supposed to do was what I wanted to do. Why is it that those two rarely seem to coincide?
The Truth About EFY
I have returned from the alternate universe of EFY and will now try and integrate myself back into the real world. I've decided the real world is over-rated though. Living in EFYland is so much better anyway. Where do I begin to say how incredibly awesome these past weeks were? Bah. Words are insufficient, but I'll try. Before this, I thought I'd worked enough jobs in my life to know what kind of work was "hard." Not so. Being a counselor tested me more than any other experience or job I've ever had. Having the responsibility to help these youth realize how amazing they are and how important the gospel is in their lives was a heavy burden. Some days I just wanted to lay in my bed and cry until I fell asleep because I was so exhausted and felt inadequate for the job. But the Lord truly does qualify those that He calls. It was not me who helped those kids feel the love of their Heavenly Father or made them see the truths of the gospel, it was the Lord and His Spirit. I just feel so blessed that I got to be there to watch and be a part of it in some small way. While there were days where I thought that I wasn't getting through and it was just plain hard, hearing them bear their testimonies, some for the first time, made every difficult moment worth it. This little...well okay it's not so little anymore, especially since EFY has expanded to Europe...but this program is literally changing people's lives, one teenager at a time. It not only makes a difference in their lives, but counselors as well. Watching all the counselors, bc's, coordinators, and session directors work together to acheive something bigger than all of us was awesome. I learned so much about myself and others along the way that it just doesn't seem fully accurate to call it Especially For Youth. It's especially for everyone. We all benefit from helping eachother along and lifting one another up I'm so so so glad that I got the chance to be a part of it. I just hope that I can hold on to the lessons I've learned and keep the focus of what's most important in life: the message this gospel has for every single person.