A Little Perspective
I am home...I think. I didn't realize just how much Jerusalem felt like home until I left it. Some days I wake up and wonder if it was all a dream. I miss it alot. But there are things to move forward with here, so I'll suck it up and quit trying to fall back asleep.Today I re-packed my whole life and determined what I could and couldn't live without. I have always prided myself on ability to throw stuff away, but as the years go on I grow more prone to sentimental objects. Why do we have to have so many things? I get tired of it all, and yet I continue to drag them around with me. What I really need to come to grips with is the fact that I simply won't be able to remember everything, and no matter how many things I take with me, there will still be forgotten pieces somewhere. I hate forgetting. I hope heaven is full of everything I forget. Now that I'm back to normal life, I'm back to my old habits of planning light years ahead (and then sitting back and watching it all go out the window) and figuring out what I'm doing with my life. I've reverted back to the plan of applying for the teaching program. I figure I've got nothing to lose, so I might as well see if I can get in. Plans for another study abroad are already being dreamed up as I type, but I don't see it coming to fruition. Besides, I don't know that anything could top Jerusalem. Gah I miss it. Alot.
So, since coming to the Holy Land I have learned alot of different things. It has been an incredible experience, and as we approach the last few weeks of the program I can't help but look forward and wonder how it will affect the rest of my life. The people I've met here have impacted me, the places I've visited will stick with me, and the spirit I've felt will forever change the way I feel about the gospel and my savior. I know I'll be leaving yet another piece of my heart here in Israel, just like in Ecuador. Maybe by the end of my life I'll just have my heart spread all across the world. That's the goal at least.Anyways, aside from the life changing lessons, I think I've also come to some life changing deicsions. Maybe. I think. First of all, I *think* I've officially decided to go ahead and just finish my degree in English without pursuing a teaching certificate with it. I know I want to teach, but I'd rather get my certification teaching through a program that works with low income schools. We all know teaching is definitely not about the money, and I think if I go do a program like TeachForAmerica I'll learn and help more than I ever could in a classroom at BYU. So basically this means that by this time next year I could be getting ready for graduation. There's a dose of reality, yikes. When you go to college you have this idea that it's just going to last forever, but then it doesn't and before you know it you're almost done.Secondly, this experience has instilled an even greater desire within me to travel. There is so much to learn from different cultures, and I want to take advantage of the time I have now to do those kinds of things. Which brings me to another option: pursuing a semester abroad in teaching English in China...which ironically, is where I was supposed to be instead of here. The chance to immerse myself in a service program has such an appeal at this point, and I know that it would be an amazing experience.Thirdly, with the possibility of an earlier graduation, thoughts of graduate school are starting to look tempting. For the last few years I've had this pipe dream of moving to Ithaca, New York and studying English at Cornell. I know it's not very realistic and that I probably could never get in anyway, but I can't bring myself to give up hope that it could happen someday. So there you have it, my life plans in a nutshell. I don't know where I'll end up, but at least I know it'll be an adventure and that no matter where I go, I still know that God loves me and has a plan.